Interviews

voyage dallas INTERVIEW

Valerie, can you briefly walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
Okay, so, I’m originally from Dallas. In 2012, because my parents were divorcing and so much was happening in the family, my father sent me back to the Philippines, my family’s home country, where I became a depressed alcoholic.

In 2017, I started having dreams where I kept hearing a voice telling me to go back to the US and do comedy. And, without questioning my sanity, I did that. I went back to the US in May 2018 and lived with my sister in LA. Two months later, she left me. Alone and with no one and no money, I worked three jobs. On top of that, I was doing comedy at night.

MPOWER PROJECT - NOW I AM

I was feeling lost. I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. I was confused by the conflicting things I was being told. If I’m fighting for something, it’s wrong. If I’m not fighting for anything, it’s still wrong. If I’m too confident, it’s bad. But when I’m quiet and withdrawn, I’m “too quiet.” Too strong, too weak, too quiet, too loud... There wasn’t anything that was right for them. I wasn’t encouraged to talk about my emotions, which led to me not having much family support. I was left on my own to try to work my way through this confusion.

TAP INTERVIEWS WITH MATT J. DOYLE

“What’s your message for everyone, Val?”

I used to be all about change especially when it came to my culture and society, it was all about making Filipinos see the beauty in themselves. But right at this very moment and after everything… I guess I just want people to be happy and feel grateful. I live in Hollywood, not just physically but… Hollywood is my life now. And with the coronavirus happening, and with how Hollywood can be, honest to God, I don’t see people happy. Yes, it’s a hard time we’re in. I’m not looking down or downgrading anyone’s struggles. This message isn’t for those who are going through unemployment but rather for those who are employed, who have good lives, who are still working on their craft and still can’t be happy. People keep wanting more and more and more. Nothing is enough. When I first started doing comedy and was getting attention pretty early on, people who were more accomplished than me were too competitive that it was hard for me to make friends. Like, dude, you have more than me. Why are you hating on me? And I guess that’s why this virus hit - again, I’m not downgrading anyone’s suffering because we do live in a horrible time - but the world is teaching us to open our eyes. We can’t keep wanting more and more and more. We’re not grateful for what we have.

VOYAGE LA: RISING STARS

If you had to, what characteristic of yours would you give the most credit to?
I don’t compete with people, and I found peace in who I am. All my life, I’ve seen miserable people. I still see them now. And if you’re unhappy, you tend to push that onto other people. In the Philippines, we call it crab mentality. Think of a bucket of crabs. One wants to get out of the bucket and tries to climb out of it. The other crabs pull that crab down. It’s sad, and that’s what I’m accustomed to seeing. It took me a while to get out of that bucket, and I’m very aware of my own demons. They still pop up every now and then, but it’s that awareness which has helped me conquer them. I’m at my happiest, and I’m only getting happier every day.

SHOUTOUT LA INTERVIEW

I met this lover, whose name I couldn’t tell because he’s a public person, during that time when I was desperate to cling to something or someone who could give me a sense of home. He was gorgeous, surrounded by powerful people, incredibly talented and knowledgeable, and more. On the surface, he was perfection. Inside, there was a lot of shame. He was running from his demons. The more he ran from them, the more I ran towards him. Despite everything, he pushed me to the surface when all I wanted to do was sink in the ocean.

VOYAGE LA INTERVIEW: Story and LEssons Highlights

I always yearned to be myself. That is a very dire need of mine. And a part of me cries whenever I need to be proper and cordial because curse words are hanging at the tip of my tongue. They want to come out. I’m a professional stand-up comedian, and everything I am paid to do a clean show, I cry myself to sleep. Don’t get me wrong. I love the money. I love entertaining people. But the F word just wants to come out every five minutes. And I hope y’all don’t misunderstand me when I say these things. I can be proper and polite, but we all know that everyone’s real selves is not the proper and polite versions of themselves. We all throw insults at people we hate, and we all have wild and kinky fantasies here and there. So, is the public version of me the real me? I would love to say yes because I believe in honesty, but that is just one side of me. That is just one of the many faces that everyone wears. The real me, without the mast and the social rules that govern adulthood, is the one doing stand-up comedy. That’s the 3-year-old version of me just in adult form.